I’m going to start off by saying that rejection letters are not personal, nor are they likely to be a commentary on your writing ability as many agents/editors don’t get past the query or first chapter. Writing and publishing is a subjective business. It’s all about finding the person who is as passionate about your novel as you are.
Okay, disclaimer taken care of…rather than huff and get all depressed about my own mounting stack of rejection letters, I prefer to laugh it off. So here’s my list of 7 Uses for those Pesky Rejection Letters. It is meant in all good fun and no hard feelings. However, since most queries and rejections are conducted by email these days, you’ll just have to pretend that in your manic episode, you printed them all out so as to have hard copies with which to vent your frustrations upon.
1. Bedding for your pet rat or hamster (The poop actually looks better on it.)
2. Confetti at your sister’s wedding (as long as no one takes a close look at the print, you’ll be fine. And really, who looks that closely at specks of paper?)
3. Paper mache voodoo doll (of the agent who rejected you, or anyone else you fancy. How about the guy who invented your email server, which must have made some formatting error in sending your query?)
4. Origami! (Take all that negative energy and filter it into positive with Zen meditation.)
5. Kindling (or better yet, line the wick of your kid’s rocket science project with them and send those ignorant form rejections into the stratosphere.)
6. Spit wads (The perfect projectiles for those people who bug you, like drivers who cut you off. You can just pepper their cars with spit balls. It’s not really vandalism since the decoration isn’t permanent…)
7. Paper airplanes (but if you’re not careful, repeated failed take-offs could make you just as mad as you were when you started out.)
Any other ideas? Come on, make me laugh. 🙂
They could make great targets at a shooting range! You even get some of your aggression out while putting bullet holes through them. Plus you save money because you don’t have to buy the range’s paper targets!
Hah! Love that.
Rejection letters can be invaluable for the following:
When applying for foodstamps and heat assistance.
When trying to explain why you can’t pay the IRS.
When entering a hospital without insurance but with glass monitor shards protruding from your forehead.
Though less effective, it is also good therapy to include one rejection slip with each partial utility payment you make.
Of course, additional uses include:
Writing “NOT HOME” on the back and sticking them to the door when collection agencies arrive.
Stuffing them in a box marked “EMERGENCIES & BAD MOODS” next to the toilet.
And, finally, they make fine return note paper when sending small incendiary devices to editors 🙂
‘Hope I’ve been of help.
Haha, excellent, Tim. I’m sensing a theme there…hopefully none of us will ever be in that dire of straits!
Lol! Oh niiice. I don’t have many but I definitely print the ones I have. 😀
Let’s see… I can imagine making origami with them, definitely. Another thing I’d do is changing the words to ACCEPTED, printing everything off and making a big-ass vision board for myself, teehee. I suppose some can come in handy when someone asks me what I’m doing humming crouched in the corner for. No words needed, just a simple passing of the note. :S
Granted, I’m not feeling too funny tonight so I give up. 😛
Oh yes! Big block letters, “ACCEPTED.”
Friends and Family: “Have you been published yet?”
Me: “No, because look at all the agents fighting over me.” (Vanna White the vision board.)
Cut them up for ransom letters! And since you’re printing them out from emails you can choose all your favorite fonts at the perfect size.
Mhmm, and who, pray tell, are we kidnapping? Literary agents? Their pets? Best-selling authors… (I don’t know how to make a devilish smiley.)
How about a version of the famous riposte made by a musician to a critic, ‘I’m sitting in the smallest room. Your review is in front of me. It will shortly be behind me.’
Yep, that’s the attitude we need to have. 🙂 Even after getting published, I’m sure I’ll have to use that exact phrasing when there actually are reviews!
hehehe, I like the paper airplane one 😛
I only have two rejections so far, but I haven’t done anything fun with them. Looks like I need to put my creativity to work!
How about a paper mache My Little Pony? But what would we call it? Mine would probably turn out hideous, though… 😛
BBQ them, – srsly see them burn. Because you know that you put in your maximum effort, and gave it your best shot. Rejection is just not worth it
It’ll happen someday. 🙂 Harry Potter was rejected about 20 times. It’s kind of like putting a puzzle together; you just need to find the two pieces (book and agent) that fit together perfectly.
…and you will.