If you could add one thing to life’s mix that would instantly make anything, whether horrible or already great, even better, would you? Of course! So every month Jen Kirchner and I are doing just that. Because over here, “Everything is Better with My Little Pony,” and on Jen’s blog, “Everything is Better with Predator.” Go see how Twilight could be much improved with Predator, and here how Lord of the Rings could be even more EPIC with My Little Pony.
In the Second Age, the Dark Lord Sauron attempts to conquer Middle-Earth using his One Horseshoe. In battle against the Unicorns and Earthlings, Prince Isildur cuts the Horseshoe from Sauron’s hoof, destroying his physical form and vanquishing his army. However, Sauron’s “life force” is bound to the Horseshoe, allowing him to survive while the Horseshoe remains. Isildur, corrupted by the Horseshoe’s power, struts around like some kind of prized pony. When he is killed by Orcs, the Horseshoe is lost in a river where sea ponies use it for a Christmas ornament for 2,500 years, until it is stolen by Gollum, who then loses it in a card game to Hobbit Pony Bilbo Baggins.
Sixty years later, Bilbo leaves the Horseshoe to his nephew, Frodo. When the Pegasus Wizard Gandalf recognizes the Horseshoe, he warns Frodo that evil forces will come for him. Frodo and his gardener Sam leave Ponyshire, and along the way are joined by Merryweather and Pippy. They are nearly captured by the hideous Nazgul with yucky, sticky sap on their hooves, but are saved when they meet the mysterious Aragorn. During their journey to Rivendell, they are attacked again and Aragorn kicks and stomps all over the Nazgul, but Frodo is wounded by a Morgul blade, which will turn him into a sickly zombie wraith.
Enter Arwen, the lovely princess pony from Rivendell who uses her Unicorn magic to summon a surge of raging water ponies that sweeps away the Nazgul. Arwen takes Frodo to Rivendell where her father heals him. Elrond calls a pony council to decide what should be done with the Horseshoe. It is revealed that it can only be destroyed in the fires of Mount Doom. Brave little Frodo volunteers to take the Horseshoe, accompanied by his Hobbit pony friends and Aragorn. They are joined by the Unicorn Legolas, the Pygmy Pony Gimli, and Boromir, Earthling of Gondor. Thus they become the Fellowship of the Horsehoe.
The Fellowship set out but are hindered by the Wizard Saruman’s magic, which attempts to distract them with playful butterflies and sing-alongs. They make it to the Mines of Moria where they find that all the Pygmy Ponies are gone and the place has been overrun with Bushwoolies. They stop for a feast of woolycakes and bushmelons, but realize Gollum is following them. Lunch is also ruined when a Balrog, an ancient demon of fire and shadow, attacks. Gandalf confronts the Balrog and tries to convince it that they can all be friends. They do a little song and dance about the magic of friendship, and then both accidentally slip on the narrow bridge and fall into the depths of the abyss.
Mourning Gandalf’s apparent death, the group flees to Lothlorien where they are sheltered by the Unicorns Galadriel and Celeborn. Galadriel tells Frodo that it is his destiny to destroy the Horseshoe and save the world. Frodo feels like a very small pony indeed. The Fellowship continues their journey; meanwhile, Saruman creates a force of cowboy Uruk-hai to hunt them down.
At Parth Galen, Boromir gives in to the Horseshoe’s corruption and tries to take it from Frodo. Frodo puts on the Horseshoe and becomes invisible, thereby escaping. He then decides he must continue the journey alone before the Horseshoe corrupts everyone in the Fellowship. The Uruk-hai arrive and Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli fight them off while Frodo escapes. Merryweather and Pippy are lassoed and hog-tied, and Boromir is slain while trying to save them. The now trio of Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli set off to rescue them. Sam finds Frodo, who reluctantly lets him come along, but is actually glad to have the company. The two Hobbit ponies sing a brave song as they set off toward Mordor.