Friendship Is Magic: Much Ado About Nothing

Feb17

Love is in the air! I hope you all had a nice Valentine’s Day. And now get ready because Jen Kirchner and I are revamping two famous looove stories. Over here we’re taking Shakespeare’s comedy Much Ado About Nothing and giving it a Friendship Is Magic twist. Then be sure to hop over to Jen’s blog where she brings some much needed ass-whupping with Better With Predator: Fifty Shades of Predator. (I’ll include the link again at the bottom for easy referencing. 🙂 )

Don Pedro and his nobleponies return from war after having quashed the melancholic uprising led by his pessimistic half-brother Don John. Among the victors are the sharp-tongued Benedick and the young Count Claudio. The gay and triumphant party comes to stay with Leonato and his family. Witty Benedick and fierce Beatrice have a longtime war of words between the two, and boyish Claudio has fallen in love with Beatrice’s cousin, Hero. When Prince Don Pedro learns of Claudio’s feelings, he insists on arranging the match.

Ever sullen and ill-tempered, Don John means to mess with these good intentions.

At a masquerade ball, Prince Don Pedro plans to woo Hero and then give her to Claudio. But his grumpy brother tells Claudio that the prince loves Hero and plans to gallop off into the sunset with her himself. The poor sap falls for it. He turns green with jealousy for all to see, but after a pouting display of barely refrained tears and a quivering lip, he deflates when Don Pedro gives him Hero as promised.

Now the prince needs to pass the time until the wedding. Ah, perfect! He’ll see to matchmaking Benedick and Beatrice! Of course, with the two ponies sworn off marriage, that will be quite the challenge.

Leonato, Claudio, and the Prince stage a loud conversation of how much Beatrice loves Benedick, how she whinnies in fits of painful love, knowing that Benedick is hiding within earshot. Hero and her gentlewoman play the same trick on Beatrice. They both fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

Disgusted with the merrymaking and not to be defeated, Don John has his dragon servant Borachio meet with Hero’s gentlepony in Hero’s chamber window where they share a triple hot fudge sundae. Don John brings Claudio and the Prince to witness this breach of the boyfriend/girlfriend code and convinces them it is Hero. Claudio, of course, is heartbroken. Hot fudge sundaes are his favorite.

Celebrating his mischief-making, Borachio brags of his act in the ears of the watchponies, who then arrest him. The next morning, Constable Dogberry goes to Leonato to have the fiendish dragon examined, but Leonato is too impatient preparing for the wedding to decipher Dogberry’s incoherent babble around his slobbering muzzle.

At the wedding, Claudio takes the bride and groom’s ceremonial ice cream cake and shoves it in Hero’s face, and then leaves her at the altar. Publicly disgraced, Hero balls her eyes out over the ruined wedding, and the ruined cake she spent all night making. The Friar plots to hide Hero and publish that upon Claudio’s vile and hurtful words, she died. (Sugar overdose may have played a part as well.)

Beatrice and Benedick linger to share a sweet moment alone where they declare their love for one another. Beatrice then asks Benedick to shave Claudio’s mane and tail and horseshoe him.
Benedick’s response: “Um, let’s be friends first!”
After more ranting from the also sugar dosed Beatrice, Benedick finally agrees to challenge Claudio. Just after the horseshoe is thrown down, the story of Don John’s deception comes to light and Claudio and the Prince are sorely grieved for their mistake. Claudio begs Leonato for forgiveness, and the old pony gives it on the condition that Claudio marry Beatrice. Claudio agrees.

When the bride is brought forth, veiled, she is revealed to be none other than Hero herself. They profess their undying love. Benedick and Beatrice discover everyone had played with their heart strings and declare they in fact don’t love each other, but Hero and Claudio produce evidence to the contrary: school notebooks with each other’s name drawn in hearts. They kiss and all are friends again. With the exception of Don John, who is caught after escaping. Benedick devises grave punishments for him, beginning with listening to “It’s A Small World” over and over in chipmunk voices. And they all go prancing into happily ever after.

Now don’t forget to hop over and read about Fifty Shades of Predator!

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Heroines of Fantasy: Miss February

Feb4

This is the second post for our brand new series on this blog called Heroines of Fantasy. Every month we’ll feature a strong, kick-ass heroine from books, movies, or television series. Today we’re tipping our hat to YA book lovers with Rose Hathaway from the Vampire Academy series.

Rose Hathaway

Seventeen-year-old Rose Hathaway is a dhampir—half human, half vampire. Dhampirs/Guardians have one purpose: protect Moroi (good, mortal vampires) from Strigoi (very evil, immortal vampires). Her best friend, Lissa, is a Moroi princess, and the two share a unique psychic bond that allows Rose to mentally eavesdrop on Lissa’s thoughts, feelings, and whereabouts. That would make Rose an excellent guardian for Lissa–if only the dhampir would stop breaking the rules. Even though she’s a student, she can’t help falling for her guardian combat mentor, Dimitri. (And let’s face it, who can blame her? He’s tall, roguishly handsome, a skilled fighter, and has a sexy Russian accent.)

Rose has a bit of a temper, especially when it comes to protecting her best friend. Don’t insult Lissa, or you will likely end up with a broken nose. Try to kill her, get a stake through the heart. Rose is sarcastic and quick-thinking (my kind of girl). With super human strength and speed, she is one bad-ass chick.

Rose isn’t just tough physically. Because of her psychic connection to Lissa, Rose absorbs the dark side effects of Lissa’s Spirit gift. They call it “shadow-kissed.” Rose’s soul walks a fine line between life and death, but her love for her friends keeps her going. And she’ll do anything for them, including cross an ocean when her beloved Dimitri is taken by Strigoi. She has no respect for orders or rules when they go against her instinct to protect those she cares about. But in a life or death fight with undead, blood sucking monsters, or a cat fight in the halls of high school, there’s no one better to have on your side.

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Should Your Pet Go Gluten Free?

Jan21

I want to start by saying that I am not trying to advocate an answer to this question. I am not an expert and there’s a lot of research one should do before making a decision about whether to put your pet on a gluten free diet. I just want to share my experience because if I had known some of these things beforehand, I would have gone about this process differently.

I’ve been celiac for ten years. For the first eight, I was in denial. Sure, I had cut out all wheat foods from my personal kitchen, but that didn’t stop me from eating gluten infested food from restaurants every week. After a health scare back in 2011, I finally got my act together and went 100% gluten free. Then I got to thinking: I know what consuming gluten does to the human body. Not everyone is severely allergic to it, but cases have skyrocketed in the past decade. Genetic manipulation of wheat in order to increase production has resulted in gluten toxicity; we weren’t meant to ingest the concentration we have been, compared to sixty years ago.

So, knowing what gluten does to me, why was I content to feed it to my cat? I decided to switch her food, and read the labels of several different “grain free” brands before settling on one. I thought I was taking care of my beloved cat. Two months after being on this gluten free dry food, my cat gained two whole pounds. She was already on the border of her recommended weight because of her build, and now she was overweight. More research revealed that most gluten free pet food brands substitute the gluten with potatoes, peas, and other starchy foods. Those high carb ingredients lead to pet obesity.

I was crushed. Here I thought I was doing the best for my cat, and I had put her health at even more risk. Was there no healthy course? Was I doomed to pick the lesser of two evils? (I read up on homecooking your pet’s food, but that’s a very complicated matter that I just didn’t have the time to learn.) Thankfully, after more research, I found a cat food brand that did not use gluten or the high starch ingredients. Right now I’m feeding my cat Nature’s Variety, Instinct. It has 78% protein (compare to 30% of most well-known brands). (Disclaimer, I’m not saying it’s the best; it’s the only one I could find in my local pet store, but it was ranked highly by experts.)

Buying grain-free pet foods is more expensive than the other brands. On the other hand, the better quality of food, the less quantity your pet needs to get sufficient nutrients. My cat eats much less than she used to and even though it’s taken two months, she’s lost one pound. I’m strongly hoping that in another two she will be back to a healthy weight.

I love my little girl and want her to live a long and healthy life. I’m not a fan of gluten, but I’m not preaching we should throw it all out. (Though if we did, restaurants might carry more options for me.) Not everyone gets sick from it, but we can’t predict who will and who won’t. The decision is yours. I only hope sharing my experience will give you something to think about, and help you avoid some of the mistakes I made should you choose to go this road with your pets.

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Friendship is Magic: Lord of the Rings

Dec17

If you could add one thing to life’s mix that would instantly make anything, whether horrible or already great, even better, would you? Of course! So every month Jen Kirchner and I are doing just that. Because over here, “Everything is Better with My Little Pony,” and on Jen’s blog, “Everything is Better with Predator.” Go see how Twilight could be much improved with Predator, and here how Lord of the Rings could be even more EPIC with My Little Pony.

In the Second Age, the Dark Lord Sauron attempts to conquer Middle-Earth using his One Horseshoe. In battle against the Unicorns and Earthlings, Prince Isildur cuts the Horseshoe from Sauron’s hoof, destroying his physical form and vanquishing his army. However, Sauron’s “life force” is bound to the Horseshoe, allowing him to survive while the Horseshoe remains. Isildur, corrupted by the Horseshoe’s power, struts around like some kind of prized pony. When he is killed by Orcs, the Horseshoe is lost in a river where sea ponies use it for a Christmas ornament for 2,500 years, until it is stolen by Gollum, who then loses it in a card game to Hobbit Pony Bilbo Baggins.

Sixty years later, Bilbo leaves the Horseshoe to his nephew, Frodo. When the Pegasus Wizard Gandalf recognizes the Horseshoe, he warns Frodo that evil forces will come for him. Frodo and his gardener Sam leave Ponyshire, and along the way are joined by Merryweather and Pippy. They are nearly captured by the hideous Nazgul with yucky, sticky sap on their hooves, but are saved when they meet the mysterious Aragorn. During their journey to Rivendell, they are attacked again and Aragorn kicks and stomps all over the Nazgul, but Frodo is wounded by a Morgul blade, which will turn him into a sickly zombie wraith.

Enter Arwen, the lovely princess pony from Rivendell who uses her Unicorn magic to summon a surge of raging water ponies that sweeps away the Nazgul. Arwen takes Frodo to Rivendell where her father heals him. Elrond calls a pony council to decide what should be done with the Horseshoe. It is revealed that it can only be destroyed in the fires of Mount Doom. Brave little Frodo volunteers to take the Horseshoe, accompanied by his Hobbit pony friends and Aragorn. They are joined by the Unicorn Legolas, the Pygmy Pony Gimli, and Boromir, Earthling of Gondor. Thus they become the Fellowship of the Horsehoe.

The Fellowship set out but are hindered by the Wizard Saruman’s magic, which attempts to distract them with playful butterflies and sing-alongs. They make it to the Mines of Moria where they find that all the Pygmy Ponies are gone and the place has been overrun with Bushwoolies. They stop for a feast of woolycakes and bushmelons, but realize Gollum is following them. Lunch is also ruined when a Balrog, an ancient demon of fire and shadow, attacks. Gandalf confronts the Balrog and tries to convince it that they can all be friends. They do a little song and dance about the magic of friendship, and then both accidentally slip on the narrow bridge and fall into the depths of the abyss.

Mourning Gandalf’s apparent death, the group flees to Lothlorien where they are sheltered by the Unicorns Galadriel and Celeborn. Galadriel tells Frodo that it is his destiny to destroy the Horseshoe and save the world. Frodo feels like a very small pony indeed. The Fellowship continues their journey; meanwhile, Saruman creates a force of cowboy Uruk-hai to hunt them down.

At Parth Galen, Boromir gives in to the Horseshoe’s corruption and tries to take it from Frodo. Frodo puts on the Horseshoe and becomes invisible, thereby escaping. He then decides he must continue the journey alone before the Horseshoe corrupts everyone in the Fellowship. The Uruk-hai arrive and Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli fight them off while Frodo escapes. Merryweather and Pippy are lassoed and hog-tied, and Boromir is slain while trying to save them. The now trio of Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli set off to rescue them. Sam finds Frodo, who reluctantly lets him come along, but is actually glad to have the company. The two Hobbit ponies sing a brave song as they set off toward Mordor.

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Dating A Vampire: The Holiday Dinner

Dec3

So you’ve been dating a vampire for several months now and you’re ready to introduce him to your family. It’s the holiday season and everyone will be gathering at your parents’ house; what better time and place to introduce them to the love of your life? Now, while you’re obsessing over how your family will react when they meet your darling love, try to remember to be sensitive to his circumstance as well.

The hallmark of Thanksgiving and Christmas is the big family dinner. You’ll sit down at the table with your vamp boyfriend by your side. Everyone else will be exchanging nervous glances as they pass the yams and the dinner rolls. But your sweetheart won’t be able to partake of any of it. Maybe he’ll be polite and fill his plate, but he won’t actually eat any of it. (Word of advice, don’t let that become a topic of discussion at the table; someone’s likely to faint.)

What’s a decent fellow to do when he’s literally allergic to everything on the dinner menu except the guests? Well, if you’re a sensitive girlfriend, you’ll plan ahead with a special treat just for him.

Bloody Mary

Photo by Gina Collecchia under Creative Commons license

This tantalizing drink will blend in a little in front of the other guests. Top with a slice of veal or other juicy raw meat. Don’t forget to label the mixture in the fridge so someone else doesn’t decide to try it.

Food allergies can really dampen the holidays. They create a barrier that prevents a person from fully participating in the festivities, which are usually centered around food. Even though I would sit at the Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner table with a scoop of mashed potatoes on my plate, I always felt like I was really standing outside with my face pressed against the window as everyone else “mmmed” and “ahhed” over the other delicacies. If you’re going to have a holiday guest with food restrictions, try to make something special for them. Or better yet, try to adapt the whole meal with substitutes. There are some great and tasty alternatives out there. Besides, the holidays aren’t about the food, but about the people you share it with.

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Fiction In My Backyard

Nov5

When I write an urban fantasy book, I have to pick a setting from our world. Several factors go into that decision: climate, geography, a place I find interesting. I have yet to write a book set in my own city (though I’m considering it for the fire book), but even though the locations I’ve written about so far have been exciting new places to me, they’re in some people’s own backyards.

I recently met a woman on Twitter from Grays Harbor, WA, the setting for Elemental Magic. She was intrigued with the book mainly for its setting, and has even been blogging about it on a local community blog. (I find the Twilight/Forks comparison quite flattering.) As for some of the details I got wrong about the city, I blame Google Maps. 😉

Even though I have yet to write a story set in my own backyard, I do get excited when I find a book taking place in it. Unfortunately, there aren’t too many for the South Bay in California. San Francisco seems to be the go-to city. Close, but not close enough for me to feel a connection. I did read one book that took place in Fremont, which I was super excited about since I did grad school there, but the characters never left the office building the entire book.

What is it about stories set in our neighborhoods that get us excited? Is it the chance to see if the author gets the details right? Is it the feeling that hey, someone’s paying attention to our little corner of the world? Or is it the sense that whatever supernatural story is playing out on the pages, we’re a part of it, simply by association?

Have you read books set in your town or city? How did you feel about them? I love hearing from you!

If you missed it yesterday, be sure to stop by Rebecca Enzor’s blog for the Earth Tones My Little Pony!

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Best Job Ever

Oct15

I happen to be living two great jobs as it is: writing and publishing my books, and sign language interpreting. But I have always thought it would be awesome to be the person who gets to name colors. Paint chips, crayons, nail polish. There may not be new colors in the strictest sense, but old shades are constantly “revived.” And really, what is Perky Pink supposed to look like, except pink? And those giant boxes of crayons don’t say “Green 1,” “Green 2,” etc.

So that’s what I would love to do.

Firestone Orange
Bruised Purple
Sandstone
Spiderweb Gray
Werewolf’s Eye (yellow)

Hmm, I could make a whole batch of “Fantasy Crayons” with colors geared toward that genre. Muahaha.

What do you think would be the best job ever? Ice cream taster? Ice cream flavor inventor? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

When a little boy was asked what he thought the best job in the world was, he replied, “Garbage man because they only work one day a week.”

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Enter to win a paperback copy of Earth Tones on Goodreads! Giveaway ends this Friday, the 19th, at midnight!

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Riding Into the Sunrise

Oct1

Yes, I said into the sunrise, not the sunset. Sunset is so final, the end of a tale, a sad farewell. Sunrise is full of new adventure, new sights, new promises. How about going out before dawn and racing the sun to see who will crest the hill first?

That’s what I did, though I was driving a car, not a horse. Hey, faster speeds, baby. A week ago I picked up my bag, got in my trusty vehicle, and headed to San Diego. That’s an eight-hour drive one-way. Was I crazy? Well, yeah. Crazy from life, chaos, frustration, health issues. I felt like my rib cage had turned into a pressure cooker. One by one, all the activities in my daily routine fell away until all that was left was work. I’d come home and ignore email, Facebook, blogs, writing, and even books. I made a fairly good imitation of a vegetable. The how I got there isn’t important, but the how I got out.

When I found out some WANA gals were getting together in San Diego, I really wanted to be a part of it. In addition to meeting some awesome friends in person, I figured getting away from my routine of wallowing would be a good thing. Get away from whatever kept dragging me down. Breathe some different air space. Going on a long road trip is good for cleaning out your car’s engine when it’s been subjected to in-town commutes for a while, so I figured the same goes for our mental and emotional gears. (Not our physical ones, though, as I painfully found out.)

And I started my trip with racing the sunrise. That was the best part of the drive—first starting out, watching the dark sky bleed into lighter hues, whipping past familiar scenery and into new ones. And the time away did do me good. Though, I left on Friday and came back Sunday, only to begin a twelve-hour work day the following morning. I’m writing this post on a Wednesday and it’s the first time I’ve had to actually sit down with the time for it. But that’s okay, because I am writing this, rather than curling up with a depressing playlist on my ipod and turning the volume all the way up, lol. (I’m not knocking that, because music is also very therapeutic.)

The weekend away was great, full of good company, laughter, and fellowship. But I can’t drive to San Diego every time life starts pushing critical mass. But getting up before dawn and racing the sunrise to the top of the mountains…yeah, I could go for that.

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Enter to win a copy of Earth Tones on Goodreads!

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Chivalry Isn’t Dead, He’s Just In WITSEC

Sep24

Many believe Chivalry was a casualty in the rise of Feminism. The truth is, though he sustained a vital blow during the storm of changing times, Chivalry did survive. Unfortunately, because the world thinks him dead, he’s suffered many false accusations and mistaken identities.

He rushes to open a door for an elderly woman, and she cowers away in fear that he intends to mow her down in order to get in line first.
He brings a lady a drink when he goes for his own and she declines, paranoid he may have slipped something in it.
He offers to walk a woman to her car late at night to fend off fiends, but she suspects he’s the one who intends to knife her in the dark parking lot.

He finally had to be whisked away into Witness Protection in order to save him. Though he is in hiding, Chivalry attempts to make small headway by being a gentleman where he can. His efforts might be in vain, however, for no one recognizes him when he passes on the street or if he says ‘hello.’ Despite his best intentions, he is met with suspicion, resistance, and sometimes outright disdain. Perhaps he didn’t die in one single blow as everyone thought; perhaps he is doomed to wither away, malnourished on false hopes and unrequited decency.

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Writing the Pain I Know

Sep3

Based on my social media persona, you all probably know me as a writer whose imagination is way more interesting than her everyday life, a person who loves cats and books, and can be funny (on occasion).

What you probably don’t know is behind this computer screen, every single day is a battle with my health. I’m a Type 1 diabetic, but my cells have stopped processing insulin properly. This leads to high blood sugars and stress on the organs. So three months ago I reduced my diet to protein and produce. I was already celiac and couldn’t have wheat gluten, but now all grains, including rice and corn are off the list. I have allergies 24/7, 365 days a year, and the only reason I drink coffee is to keep the migraines at bay—which works most days.

Recently I found out I’ve got heavy metal toxins preventing any form of true healing from happening. That means detox, but if you’ve ever quit giving your body something it’s used to, you’ve probably experienced that things get worse before they get better. Your body doesn’t function very well holding all those toxins tightly in its cells, but when you detox, the floodgates open and all those nasty things are allowed to wreak havoc on your entire system. The plan my doctor lined up will take months, and I must confess that seeing the other side of this path is like looking down a road covered in blinding thick fog—with rattlesnakes in the bushes; I can’t see how far away the end is—or if there is one.

Last October (wow, almost a year ago!) I posted about outliving my expiration date. I’ve made a lot of lifestyle changes since then. I’ve been gluten free for over a year now, something I never thought I could do (or would). I’ve eliminated 99% of sugar, including artificial sweeteners, from my diet—no more cookies, candy, or ice cream. I say 99% because lots of grocery items have some form of sugar, like some canned beans!

The process of making these changes has been brutal, and the most discouraging thing of all is they haven’t made me feel better. With my doctor’s current plan, he hopes I’ll start feeling better in a month. And then we’ll keep going with the regimen for as long as it takes. Can you imagine thinking of recovery time in months or over a year? It’s daunting.

People have asked if I would ever write a character with diabetes or similar health issues, and the answer in the past has always been ‘no.’ When I write, I’d rather spend time with someone who isn’t held back by such weaknesses and inconveniences. One of the reasons I write is to pretend, just for a little, that I can go and do and be someone else.

However, with my current struggles and the frustration, that’s changed. I started a new book and this time my character has just as many health problems as me. Of course, I’m throwing in supernatural stuff as well. 😉 This character will face weakness and learn to find different kinds of strength. Because even though the days are hard and sometimes I feel so discouraged as to cry (or say “screw it all, I want the cookie!”), I keep going. I keep living and doing what I love. Writing this book started out as a therapeutic venture, but I hope the final product will be something worth sharing with you all.

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In the meantime, watch for the release of Earth Tones, Elemental Magic 3 coming October 20th! Check out the book trailer and stay tuned for the cover reveal next Wednesday!

I’m putting together a blog tour for the release with dates in November, and if anyone would like to participate, let me know! You can check out the tour schedule’s page on the right.

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