Dating A Vampire: The Holiday Dinner

So you’ve been dating a vampire for several months now and you’re ready to introduce him to your family. It’s the holiday season and everyone will be gathering at your parents’ house; what better time and place to introduce them to the love of your life? Now, while you’re obsessing over how your family will react when they meet your darling love, try to remember to be sensitive to his circumstance as well.

The hallmark of Thanksgiving and Christmas is the big family dinner. You’ll sit down at the table with your vamp boyfriend by your side. Everyone else will be exchanging nervous glances as they pass the yams and the dinner rolls. But your sweetheart won’t be able to partake of any of it. Maybe he’ll be polite and fill his plate, but he won’t actually eat any of it. (Word of advice, don’t let that become a topic of discussion at the table; someone’s likely to faint.)

What’s a decent fellow to do when he’s literally allergic to everything on the dinner menu except the guests? Well, if you’re a sensitive girlfriend, you’ll plan ahead with a special treat just for him.

Bloody Mary

By Gina Collecchia

Photo by Gina Collecchia under Creative Commons license

This tantalizing drink will blend in a little in front of the other guests. Top with a slice of veal or other juicy raw meat. Don’t forget to label the mixture in the fridge so someone else doesn’t decide to try it.

Food allergies can really dampen the holidays. They create a barrier that prevents a person from fully participating in the festivities, which are usually centered around food. Even though I would sit at the Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner table with a scoop of mashed potatoes on my plate, I always felt like I was really standing outside with my face pressed against the window as everyone else “mmmed” and “ahhed” over the other delicacies. If you’re going to have a holiday guest with food restrictions, try to make something special for them. Or better yet, try to adapt the whole meal with substitutes. There are some great and tasty alternatives out there. Besides, the holidays aren’t about the food, but about the people you share it with.

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Setting Boundaries When Dating a Human

We covered some ground rules for if a human wants to date a vampire, but what about the other way around?  Suppose we’ve got a decent, heroic guy who just happens to be one of the undead?  Just because he drinks blood doesn’t mean he can’t have standards.

1. Don’t ask me to bite you.  I know you’ve read all those paranormal romance books where biting and sex equals the greatest experience on the planet, but trust me, it can get messy.

2. No role-playing.  You’re not Buffy, and I don’t want to see a stake hidden under your pillow.

3. Don’t try to have important conversations or talk me into stuff around dawn when I’m too tried to properly listen.

4. If you’re mad at me, don’t throw my bags of blood down the sink.  That stuff is hard to come by!

5.  I can’t introduce you to Edward, so don’t ask.

What would you add to the list?

Setting Boundaries When Dating a Vampire

In Dry Spell, Aileen and Colin get a huge surprise when they find out Colin’s sister, Paige, is dating a vampire.  What would a vampire want dating a human anyway?  Frequent flyer meals?

But hey, not all vampires are vicious and evil.  This one’s a private investigator determined to make the world a better place.  He doesn’t sound so bad, except for the liquid diet.  Still, if you’re going to date a vampire, some ground rules should be set in place from the get-go.

1. No biting without express permission.

2. No dropping by before dawn and intentionally getting “stuck” and having to stay until nightfall.

3. Baggies of blood must be kept in a separate, small cooler, not my refrigerator next to the vegetables.

4. Use the front door.  No swinging through my window like you’re Tarzan.  (Or a sparkly, moodier version.)

5. If you’re going to be a hero and go after evil dudes, calling to tell me you haven’t been turned to a pile of ash would be greatly appreciated!

What boundaries would you set with your undead boyfriend?