When I was seven-years-old, a doctor told me I probably wouldn’t live to be eighteen.
I don’t know why he told me that. Sure, my diabetes was severe, but not untreatable. I do know his prognosis had a profound effect on me. I’ve had a lot of health issues, and the idea of getting well has been like an unattainable dream. In my mind, it’s an even further stretch than becoming published. Because of this fatalistic mentality, I’ve never really taken my health seriously. I’ve been allergic to gluten for eight years; I’ve only recently been 100% gluten free for almost three months. I know exercise is vitally important, but every exercise regimen I have ever started hasn’t lasted a week. It’s hard to care about your long-term health when subconsciously you don’t expect to ever get there.
I didn’t recognize the power of those few words until many years later. Now I can look back and see how my subconscious sabotages can be traced back to that one moment that is burned into my memory. I can’t remember anything else about that day, not even what the doctor looked like, just those words echoing in my mind.
I remember on my nineteenth birthday finally realizing that I had outlived my expiration date. It was a great feeling, but it wasn’t strong enough to reverse the seed that had been planted and sown over the past ten years. Our internal processing is filled with voices whispering at us. The problem is, that after a while, those voices start to sound like our own, and we listen. “Every time you solve one health problem, another pops up; why not just live with the curse you know? You’ll never be healthy, so things like exercise and eating well won’t make a difference. With your health record, you still probably won’t live that long.”
We need a gardener to come in and trim back the overgrown weeds to find the sapling underneath that never had a chance to properly grow. Those weeds are often so entangled though, that it might be a painful process. Sometimes the trimming can happen slowly, with other, loving seeds planted by other people. Sometimes it happens quickly, with fire, something that rips to our roots and jars us from those habits.
Cleaning up the garden of our souls is never easy, though there is a Gardener who’s skilled and precise in His work so we are safe in His hands.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” ~Phillipians 4:13
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” ~Romans 12:2
But remember this–you had no control over the seeds that were planted in your heart, only on how you will shape your garden now. Words are powerful. They soothe hurts and cut deep. Be aware of the words you sow. You never know what you may be planting.
What seeds were planted in your heart by someone else? Were they seeds that nourished your soul, or weeds that have held you down? Do you fall into patterns based on those seeds? If you were able to identify the source of some negative patterns, how did you uproot them? I love hearing from you!
–I also have an announcement regarding Elemental Magic. I want to apologize for the extended wait of its release. It’s mid-October now, and while I had hoped to release it at the beginning of this month, there have been a few delays due to the cover art not being completed on time. I’m very sorry that I couldn’t make the deadline I set for myself, but it is out of my control. I hope to have news for you all soon, but I am still waiting on the cover art.–
Angela Wallace, Author 