My Little Ponies of the Caribbean

Jen Kirchner and I are at it again! This time we’re both taking the movie Pirates of the Caribbean and putting a slightly different twist on it. Here, I’m giving you the My Little Pony version. Over on Jen’s blog, she’s giving you Snake Plissken for the whole month of May! And today it’s “Escape from the Black Pearl.” I’ll include the link at the bottom so you don’t have to scroll back up. Enjoy. 😉

Pirates of Caribbean poster Ponies of the Caribbean

Captain Applejack (the worst pirate you’ve ever heard of) arrives in Port Royal hoping to find a new ship. He sets his sights on a mighty fine vessel…unfortunately guarded by the royal army. No matter, Applejack can talk his way into anything. While trying to distract the guards with tales of the dreaded pony pirate ship, the Black Pearl, he sees young Elizabeth Swan fall into the bay.

Applejack dives into the water to save her. Elizabeth ends up being quite heavy in the hideous dress she’s wearing. Applejack begs the sea ponies to help him, but they swim off in a rush. Whatever happened to “Call upon the sea ponies, simply signal SOS?” Jerks.

Applejack gets Elizabeth to shore, but alas, no good deed goes unpunished, and Clydesdale Norrington has him arrested. Captain Applejack makes a daring escape with a few cartwheels, and using a pulley system, flies into the air away from the soldiers. He tries to hide in a blacksmith’s shop where he encounters young Willy Turner.

Willy is abhorred. “Pirate!” He tries to horseshoe Applejack. The two duel, and Applejack loses. He’s arrested, jailed, and sentenced to be sent over the rainbow in the morn.

That night, after hearing from the sea ponies what Miss Swan had around her pretty neck, the pirate ship the Black Pearl sails into Port Royal. Elizabeth is kidnapped and taken aboard to Captain Berrybosa. Knowing the pirates want her gold medallion, she pleads for the safety of the town in exchange for the gold. Berrybosa calls off the attack, but keeps Elizabeth and the medallion.

You see, the crew of the Pearl are under a terrible curse. When the moon comes out, they break out in song and dance as though life were a musical. That is no way for hardcore pirates to behave. Since Elizabeth is a filly, she must have an angelic voice that will be sacrificed to break the curse.

Willy, of course, is in love with Elizabeth and will do anything to rescue her, including making a deal with Captain Applejack. Applejack agrees to help Willy find and save Elizabeth in exchange for breaking him out of jail. Though, Applejack’s true interest is in stealing the Pearl back from his mutinous first mate, Berrybosa.

Captain ApplejackCaptain Applejack

On the island where the cursed Aztec gold is kept, Captain Berrybosa forces Elizabeth to sing and drop the coin into the chest. She’s quite nervous, and starts with a stutter. This is worse than when she auditioned for American Idol. The pirates snarl and shout obscenities at her—nope, Simon Cowell was worse—and she manages to get out a few notes. The pirates cover their ears and writhe on the ground. She can’t sing on key and her pitch sounds like a freight train’s screeching wheels.

The pirates scream and sob; they’re still cursed to sing and dance. Willy arrives and whisks Elizabeth away, but leaves Applejack behind. Never trust a pirate and all, though in this case it seems never trust Willy.

When Applejack learns of the curse, he makes a deal with Berrybosa. As it turns out, Willy has an amazing singing voice. Applejack heard it one night while Willy whistled while he worked. The pirates pursue them, catch them, and sink their ship.

Berrybosa, of course, isn’t going to keep his deal with Applejack, and maroons him on an island. He sends Elizabeth along as well, hoping her banshee singing will drive the pony crazy. Then Berrybosa takes Willy back to the island to break the curse.

Elizabeth starts singing a sad, sad song, and Applejack quickly goes for a hidden cache used by rum runners to drink himself tone deaf. After he passes out, Elizabeth uses all the rum to light a bonfire that any ship within miles will see. Sure enough, Clydesdale Norrington sees the flames and rescues them.

Captain BerrybosaCaptain Berrybosa

Elizabeth agrees to marry Norrington only if he will consent to rescue Willy. They arrive at the island, and Applejack convinces the royal navy to let him go in first. Alone. Elizabeth thinks this is a terrible idea, but she’s just a filly, so they lock her up instead. <sigh> Men. She sneaks off the ship and over to the Pearl where she rescues Applejack’s crew, but they take off, leaving her to rescue Willy alone. What about the power of friendship, guys?!

Meanwhile, Applejack tricks Berrybosa into sending the crew out to battle the royal navy. It’s a cloudy night, so no big deal. But what’s this? Applejack’s “special compass” actually holds the Rainbow of Light, which he releases, and it swoops into the night to carry the clouds away. The moon shines down on the pirates and they break out into song and dance. The royal navy is flabbergasted at first, but the pirates have had some practice choreographing their fight moves for this kind of situation, and the battle rages on.

Applejack turns on Berrybosa and they battle it out while Elizabeth sneaks in to rescue Willy. Berrybosa tries to shoot Elizabeth, but then Applejack surprises everyone by opening his mouth and belting out in a crystal clear opera voice. Willy drops the last coin into the chest, and the curse is broken! All the pirates singing and dancing on the ship suddenly stop. They’re so surprised by the loss of rhythm—and how uncoordinated they are—they surrender.

Everyone is safe, and now Captain Applejack is not only a hero, but is being bombarded with calls from agents. Even Simon Cowell wants to sign a record deal with him. But Applejack’s heart is with the Pearl, who sails in to save him at the last moment from the crowds of fawning teenage girls.

Elizabeth, who is a little miffed that she didn’t get called back to American Idol, nevertheless is allowed to marry Willy.
“Don’t worry,” he tells her. “Love is all the music we need.”


Now be sure to head over to Jen’s blog for Escape from the Black Pearl!


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Friendship is Magic: Lord of the Rings

If you could add one thing to life’s mix that would instantly make anything, whether horrible or already great, even better, would you? Of course! So every month Jen Kirchner and I are doing just that. Because over here, “Everything is Better with My Little Pony,” and on Jen’s blog, “Everything is Better with Predator.” Go see how Twilight could be much improved with Predator, and here how Lord of the Rings could be even more EPIC with My Little Pony.


FoTR poster

In the Second Age, the Dark Lord Sauron attempts to conquer Middle-Earth using his One Horseshoe. In battle against the Unicorns and Earthlings, Prince Isildur cuts the Horseshoe from Sauron’s hoof, destroying his physical form and vanquishing his army. However, Sauron’s “life force” is bound to the Horseshoe, allowing him to survive while the Horseshoe remains. Isildur, corrupted by the Horseshoe’s power, struts around like some kind of prized pony. When he is killed by Orcs, the Horseshoe is lost in a river where sea ponies use it for a Christmas ornament for 2,500 years, until it is stolen by Gollum, who then loses it in a card game to Hobbit Pony Bilbo Baggins.

Sixty years later, Bilbo leaves the Horseshoe to his nephew, Frodo. When the Pegasus Wizard Gandalf recognizes the Horseshoe, he warns Frodo that evil forces will come for him. Frodo and his gardener Sam leave Ponyshire, and along the way are joined by Merryweather and Pippy. They are nearly captured by the hideous Nazgul with yucky, sticky sap on their hooves, but are saved when they meet the mysterious Aragorn. During their journey to Rivendell, they are attacked again and Aragorn kicks and stomps all over the Nazgul, but Frodo is wounded by a Morgul blade, which will turn him into a sickly zombie wraith.

Enter Arwen, the lovely princess pony from Rivendell who uses her Unicorn magic to summon a surge of raging water ponies that sweeps away the Nazgul. Arwen takes Frodo to Rivendell where her father heals him. Elrond calls a pony council to decide what should be done with the Horseshoe. It is revealed that it can only be destroyed in the fires of Mount Doom. Brave little Frodo volunteers to take the Horseshoe, accompanied by his Hobbit pony friends and Aragorn. They are joined by the Unicorn Legolas, the Pygmy Pony Gimli, and Boromir, Earthling of Gondor. Thus they become the Fellowship of the Horsehoe.

The Fellowship set out but are hindered by the Wizard Saruman’s magic, which attempts to distract them with playful butterflies and sing-alongs. They make it to the Mines of Moria where they find that all the Pygmy Ponies are gone and the place has been overrun with Bushwoolies. They stop for a feast of woolycakes and bushmelons, but realize Gollum is following them. Lunch is also ruined when a Balrog, an ancient demon of fire and shadow, attacks. Gandalf confronts the Balrog and tries to convince it that they can all be friends. They do a little song and dance about the magic of friendship, and then both accidentally slip on the narrow bridge and fall into the depths of the abyss.

Mourning Gandalf’s apparent death, the group flees to Lothlorien where they are sheltered by the Unicorns Galadriel and Celeborn. Galadriel tells Frodo that it is his destiny to destroy the Horseshoe and save the world. Frodo feels like a very small pony indeed. The Fellowship continues their journey; meanwhile, Saruman creates a force of cowboy Uruk-hai to hunt them down.

At Parth Galen, Boromir gives in to the Horseshoe’s corruption and tries to take it from Frodo. Frodo puts on the Horseshoe and becomes invisible, thereby escaping. He then decides he must continue the journey alone before the Horseshoe corrupts everyone in the Fellowship. The Uruk-hai arrive and Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli fight them off while Frodo escapes. Merryweather and Pippy are lassoed and hog-tied, and Boromir is slain while trying to save them. The now trio of Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli set off to rescue them. Sam finds Frodo, who reluctantly lets him come along, but is actually glad to have the company. The two Hobbit ponies sing a brave song as they set off toward Mordor.

LoTR ponies


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