My Little Ponies of the Caribbean

Jen Kirchner and I are at it again! This time we’re both taking the movie Pirates of the Caribbean and putting a slightly different twist on it. Here, I’m giving you the My Little Pony version. Over on Jen’s blog, she’s giving you Snake Plissken for the whole month of May! And today it’s “Escape from the Black Pearl.” I’ll include the link at the bottom so you don’t have to scroll back up. Enjoy. 😉

 Ponies of the Caribbean

Captain Applejack (the worst pirate you’ve ever heard of) arrives in Port Royal hoping to find a new ship. He sets his sights on a mighty fine vessel…unfortunately guarded by the royal army. No matter, Applejack can talk his way into anything. While trying to distract the guards with tales of the dreaded pony pirate ship, the Black Pearl, he sees young Elizabeth Swan fall into the bay.

Applejack dives into the water to save her. Elizabeth ends up being quite heavy in the hideous dress she’s wearing. Applejack begs the sea ponies to help him, but they swim off in a rush. Whatever happened to “Call upon the sea ponies, simply signal SOS?” Jerks.

Applejack gets Elizabeth to shore, but alas, no good deed goes unpunished, and Clydesdale Norrington has him arrested. Captain Applejack makes a daring escape with a few cartwheels, and using a pulley system, flies into the air away from the soldiers. He tries to hide in a blacksmith’s shop where he encounters young Willy Turner.

Willy is abhorred. “Pirate!” He tries to horseshoe Applejack. The two duel, and Applejack loses. He’s arrested, jailed, and sentenced to be sent over the rainbow in the morn.

That night, after hearing from the sea ponies what Miss Swan had around her pretty neck, the pirate ship the Black Pearl sails into Port Royal. Elizabeth is kidnapped and taken aboard to Captain Berrybosa. Knowing the pirates want her gold medallion, she pleads for the safety of the town in exchange for the gold. Berrybosa calls off the attack, but keeps Elizabeth and the medallion.

You see, the crew of the Pearl are under a terrible curse. When the moon comes out, they break out in song and dance as though life were a musical. That is no way for hardcore pirates to behave. Since Elizabeth is a filly, she must have an angelic voice that will be sacrificed to break the curse.

Willy, of course, is in love with Elizabeth and will do anything to rescue her, including making a deal with Captain Applejack. Applejack agrees to help Willy find and save Elizabeth in exchange for breaking him out of jail. Though, Applejack’s true interest is in stealing the Pearl back from his mutinous first mate, Berrybosa.

Captain Applejack

On the island where the cursed Aztec gold is kept, Captain Berrybosa forces Elizabeth to sing and drop the coin into the chest. She’s quite nervous, and starts with a stutter. This is worse than when she auditioned for American Idol. The pirates snarl and shout obscenities at her—nope, Simon Cowell was worse—and she manages to get out a few notes. The pirates cover their ears and writhe on the ground. She can’t sing on key and her pitch sounds like a freight train’s screeching wheels.

The pirates scream and sob; they’re still cursed to sing and dance. Willy arrives and whisks Elizabeth away, but leaves Applejack behind. Never trust a pirate and all, though in this case it seems never trust Willy.

When Applejack learns of the curse, he makes a deal with Berrybosa. As it turns out, Willy has an amazing singing voice. Applejack heard it one night while Willy whistled while he worked. The pirates pursue them, catch them, and sink their ship.

Berrybosa, of course, isn’t going to keep his deal with Applejack, and maroons him on an island. He sends Elizabeth along as well, hoping her banshee singing will drive the pony crazy. Then Berrybosa takes Willy back to the island to break the curse.

Elizabeth starts singing a sad, sad song, and Applejack quickly goes for a hidden cache used by rum runners to drink himself tone deaf. After he passes out, Elizabeth uses all the rum to light a bonfire that any ship within miles will see. Sure enough, Clydesdale Norrington sees the flames and rescues them.

Captain Berrybosa

Elizabeth agrees to marry Norrington only if he will consent to rescue Willy. They arrive at the island, and Applejack convinces the royal navy to let him go in first. Alone. Elizabeth thinks this is a terrible idea, but she’s just a filly, so they lock her up instead. <sigh> Men. She sneaks off the ship and over to the Pearl where she rescues Applejack’s crew, but they take off, leaving her to rescue Willy alone. What about the power of friendship, guys?!

Meanwhile, Applejack tricks Berrybosa into sending the crew out to battle the royal navy. It’s a cloudy night, so no big deal. But what’s this? Applejack’s “special compass” actually holds the Rainbow of Light, which he releases, and it swoops into the night to carry the clouds away. The moon shines down on the pirates and they break out into song and dance. The royal navy is flabbergasted at first, but the pirates have had some practice choreographing their fight moves for this kind of situation, and the battle rages on.

Applejack turns on Berrybosa and they battle it out while Elizabeth sneaks in to rescue Willy. Berrybosa tries to shoot Elizabeth, but then Applejack surprises everyone by opening his mouth and belting out in a crystal clear opera voice. Willy drops the last coin into the chest, and the curse is broken! All the pirates singing and dancing on the ship suddenly stop. They’re so surprised by the loss of rhythm—and how uncoordinated they are—they surrender.

Everyone is safe, and now Captain Applejack is not only a hero, but is being bombarded with calls from agents. Even Simon Cowell wants to sign a record deal with him. But Applejack’s heart is with the Pearl, who sails in to save him at the last moment from the crowds of fawning teenage girls.

Elizabeth, who is a little miffed that she didn’t get called back to American Idol, nevertheless is allowed to marry Willy.
“Don’t worry,” he tells her. “Love is all the music we need.”

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Now be sure to head over to Jen’s blog for Escape from the Black Pearl!

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LOL Cat Contest Results

Thank you to everyone who played our little LOL Cat game here this week. I had a blast reading your caption suggestions and it was hard picking the final winner. But here it is! Thank you, Suzie, for the Princess Bride classic!

To read all the other great suggestions, check out Monday’s post here.

Congratulations are also in order to Alina for being the winner of the book drawing!

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DREAMSTEALER is now available on Amazon, B&N, and Kobo!

When her kingdom’s former enemy suspects their princess is a budding dreamwalker, Lexa is drafted out of retirement and sent to Teltania to train the twelve-year-old girl. But hidden agendas complicate her mission, and Lexa doesn’t know whom to trust. Meanwhile, her own dreamwalking powers are waning when she needs them most. Can Lexa decipher the mysteries at every turn, or will the dreamscape claim yet another dreamwalker?

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I hope you enjoyed your visit and come back for more!  You can subscribe using RSS, Twitter, or Facebook.  And if you want to ensure you don’t miss any new releases, you can sign up for the newsletter!

“Get Over It”–Wisdom from a teenager

Kids are funny.  They have unique perspectives on life, and adults can usually get a good laugh out of them.  My mom was going through old boxes and found this essay my sister wrote back in ninth grade.  While incredibly amusing now, this is just one of the many reasons I will never have children.  😉

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Responsibility means to have important duties and being able to fulfill them.

They are obligations to yourself and sometimes other people.

My responsibilities now are to work hard in school and to bring my grades up.  Since the school year is almost over I don’t have time to do that now but next year I’ll try for a 4.0.  (Yeah, cus why do today what you can put off until next year?)

I also have responsibilities to do my chores on time and I do try but sometimes I don’t have enough time.  My family thinks I have plenty of time but what they don’t know is that I’m busy with my priorities.  My responsibilities are not one of my main priorities right now.  My priorities are to my friends who need help and to my walk with Christ.

Those to me are more important than school and chores and I will try harder to do my chores and school better but that’s not going to come before what I think is important.  (So what did she do?  Well, she convinced my mother that she would clean one part of her room at a time.  Translation: take everything on the desk and throw it under the bed.  The next week, take everything under the bed and toss it in the closet.  And round and round we went…  She even stuffed everything under the rug once.  Um, hello?  Like that’s not obvious.  In contrast, my room was always spotless.  Seriously, I knew every time that little brat was in my stuff because I could tell when a single item was turned sideways.  Like Monk.)

Getting good high school grades will be a responsibility and priority so I can get into the college I want to go to.  College will be a huge responsibility for me so I can do what I want later in life.   (Too bad that later in life turned into tattoos and being engaged to a guy named “Pony.”)

You learn about responsibilities by sometimes not doing them, like not doing chores one week means there’s a lot more to do the next week which makes it harder to complete.  (My sister was an expert negotiator.  She would agree to do one thing now, and another later, except she always timed it so she wouldn’t be around to do the second thing, and someone else [Mom] would have to do it for her.)

When you do your chores it can help the people around you because they won’t have to do them for you.  When you don’t do your chores that makes other people have to do them for you in order for them to make dinner, etc.  (My sister would volunteer to make dinner, and afterward say that since she cooked, Mom should clean.  Except she used every pot and pan we had, and left food and sauce dripping down the counters and cabinets.  Mom’s reaction?  “Don’t cook anymore.  I’d rather go out.”)

Sometimes people have to be flexible.  Like when someone doesn’t do a chore because they are too busy then the other person could do it for them or just leave it and get over the fact that now the little perfect plan has been ruined because someone didn’t clean the kitchen.  Get a wake up call.  There’s more important things in life.  (Apparently.)

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With 2012 before us and New Year’s resolutions and goals taking up our thoughts, I suppose the message is, in kinder terms, be flexible.  😉

Got a story of your kids that drove you crazy when they did it but you can look back on and laugh at now?  Do you get overwhelmed with goals and plans for the new year?  Another round of Row80 has started, and its motto can be applied to everything–make goals to fit your life, and if your life changes, it’s okay for the goals to change too.  Happy New Year!  🙂

A few minutes in the life of a sign language interpreter

It’s Friday Fancies!  Let’s have a good laugh and a mash-up of awesomeness.

Here’s a glimpse into the life of a sign language interpreter.  Now, I have yet to experience this personally, but stories abound from my colleagues, so it’s fair to say I might find myself in the following situation.  My answers, though, won’t be quite so blunt.  😉

This is funny, but sad because this has happened somewhere—many somewheres actually.  Once you’re on the “inside,” you can laugh about it, but those on the “outside” who have probably never met a Deaf person before are genuinely perplexed.  Some of their questions seem perfectly reasonable to them.  It’s important to spread awareness.

How much do you know about Deaf culture?  Did you know there is one?  I’m not an expert, though I am pretty familiar with the community since I studied and work in it.  I’ll try to answer any questions people have.  We’ll never be able to break down stereotypes if we don’t actively search for the truth.

Mash-up of Awesomeness:

“The benefits of book piracy” by Katy Hulme–Or rather, Neil Gaiman on Katy’s blog.  🙂

“Dr. Twuth–Bots Make Me Bonkers” by Kristen Lamb–Twitter etiquette and how to not drive yourself crazy on it.

“Tarot: Elements” by Raelyn Barclay–Fascinating research of the elements according to Tarot.

“Why It’s Worth a Watch Wednesday–Castle” by Amber West–If you’re not watching Castle, you need to be, and Amber will tell you all about its awesomeness.

“The Backbone of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’” by Lyn Midnight–Lyn takes a look at the elements that made Buffy the Vampire Slayer the phenomenon and beloved show it was.

“My Mom–My Bestie” by Elena Aitken–A lovely post about how her mom is one of her best friends.

Also, for the rest of September, everyone who leaves a comment will be entered into a drawing to win a free e-book copy of Elemental Magic when it releases.  Five winners will be selected.

Aileen Donovan wants nothing more than recognition as an elemental scientist by her supernatural community.  What better way to do that than to solve a mystery involving a power-hungry alchemist, hallucinogenic coral, and a homicidal sea dragon?  The hardest part will be working with Coast Guard officer Colin Benson—until the tides turn, and Aileen realizes that love and duty may not have to be mutually exclusive.

7 Uses for those Pesky Rejection Letters

I’m going to start off by saying that rejection letters are not personal, nor are they likely to be a commentary on your writing ability as many agents/editors don’t get past the query or first chapter.  Writing and publishing is a subjective business.  It’s all about finding the person who is as passionate about your novel as you are.

Okay, disclaimer taken care of…rather than huff and get all depressed about my own mounting stack of rejection letters, I prefer to laugh it off.  So here’s my list of 7 Uses for those Pesky Rejection Letters.  It is meant in all good fun and no hard feelings.  However, since most queries and rejections are conducted by email these days, you’ll just have to pretend that in your manic episode, you printed them all out so as to have hard copies with which to vent your frustrations upon.

Ahem.

1. Bedding for your pet rat or hamster  (The poop actually looks better on it.)

2. Confetti at your sister’s wedding (as long as no one takes a close look at the print, you’ll be fine.  And really, who looks that closely at specks of paper?)

3. Paper mache voodoo doll (of the agent who rejected you, or anyone else you fancy.  How about the guy who invented your email server, which must have made some formatting error in sending your query?)

4. Origami!  (Take all that negative energy and filter it into positive with Zen meditation.)

5. Kindling (or better yet, line the wick of your kid’s rocket science project with them and send those ignorant form rejections into the stratosphere.)

6. Spit wads (The perfect projectiles for those people who bug you, like drivers who cut you off.  You can just pepper their cars with spit balls.  It’s not really vandalism since the decoration isn’t permanent…)

7. Paper airplanes (but if you’re not careful, repeated failed take-offs could make you just as mad as you were when you started out.)

Any other ideas?  Come on, make me laugh.  🙂