Predator « Angela Wallace, Author

Love is in the air! I hope you all had a nice Valentine’s Day. And now get ready because Jen Kirchner and I are revamping two famous looove stories. Over here we’re taking Shakespeare’s comedy Much Ado About Nothing and giving it a Friendship Is Magic twist. Then be sure to hop over to Jen’s blog where she brings some much needed ass-whupping with Better With Predator: Fifty Shades of Predator. (I’ll include the link again at the bottom for easy referencing. 🙂 )

Don Pedro and his nobleponies return from war after having quashed the melancholic uprising led by his pessimistic half-brother Don John. Among the victors are the sharp-tongued Benedick and the young Count Claudio. The gay and triumphant party comes to stay with Leonato and his family. Witty Benedick and fierce Beatrice have a longtime war of words between the two, and boyish Claudio has fallen in love with Beatrice’s cousin, Hero. When Prince Don Pedro learns of Claudio’s feelings, he insists on arranging the match.

Ever sullen and ill-tempered, Don John means to mess with these good intentions.

At a masquerade ball, Prince Don Pedro plans to woo Hero and then give her to Claudio. But his grumpy brother tells Claudio that the prince loves Hero and plans to gallop off into the sunset with her himself. The poor sap falls for it. He turns green with jealousy for all to see, but after a pouting display of barely refrained tears and a quivering lip, he deflates when Don Pedro gives him Hero as promised.

Now the prince needs to pass the time until the wedding. Ah, perfect! He’ll see to matchmaking Benedick and Beatrice! Of course, with the two ponies sworn off marriage, that will be quite the challenge.

Leonato, Claudio, and the Prince stage a loud conversation of how much Beatrice loves Benedick, how she whinnies in fits of painful love, knowing that Benedick is hiding within earshot. Hero and her gentlewoman play the same trick on Beatrice. They both fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

Disgusted with the merrymaking and not to be defeated, Don John has his dragon servant Borachio meet with Hero’s gentlepony in Hero’s chamber window where they share a triple hot fudge sundae. Don John brings Claudio and the Prince to witness this breach of the boyfriend/girlfriend code and convinces them it is Hero. Claudio, of course, is heartbroken. Hot fudge sundaes are his favorite.

Celebrating his mischief-making, Borachio brags of his act in the ears of the watchponies, who then arrest him. The next morning, Constable Dogberry goes to Leonato to have the fiendish dragon examined, but Leonato is too impatient preparing for the wedding to decipher Dogberry’s incoherent babble around his slobbering muzzle.

At the wedding, Claudio takes the bride and groom’s ceremonial ice cream cake and shoves it in Hero’s face, and then leaves her at the altar. Publicly disgraced, Hero balls her eyes out over the ruined wedding, and the ruined cake she spent all night making. The Friar plots to hide Hero and publish that upon Claudio’s vile and hurtful words, she died. (Sugar overdose may have played a part as well.)

Beatrice and Benedick linger to share a sweet moment alone where they declare their love for one another. Beatrice then asks Benedick to shave Claudio’s mane and tail and horseshoe him.
Benedick’s response: “Um, let’s be friends first!”
After more ranting from the also sugar dosed Beatrice, Benedick finally agrees to challenge Claudio. Just after the horseshoe is thrown down, the story of Don John’s deception comes to light and Claudio and the Prince are sorely grieved for their mistake. Claudio begs Leonato for forgiveness, and the old pony gives it on the condition that Claudio marry Beatrice. Claudio agrees.

When the bride is brought forth, veiled, she is revealed to be none other than Hero herself. They profess their undying love. Benedick and Beatrice discover everyone had played with their heart strings and declare they in fact don’t love each other, but Hero and Claudio produce evidence to the contrary: school notebooks with each other’s name drawn in hearts. They kiss and all are friends again. With the exception of Don John, who is caught after escaping. Benedick devises grave punishments for him, beginning with listening to “It’s A Small World” over and over in chipmunk voices. And they all go prancing into happily ever after.

Now don’t forget to hop over and read about Fifty Shades of Predator!

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If you could add one thing to life’s mix that would instantly make anything, whether horrible or already great, even better, would you? Of course! So every month Jen Kirchner and I are doing just that. Because over here, “Everything is Better with My Little Pony,” and on Jen’s blog, “Everything is Better with Predator.” Go see how Twilight could be much improved with Predator, and here how Lord of the Rings could be even more EPIC with My Little Pony.

In the Second Age, the Dark Lord Sauron attempts to conquer Middle-Earth using his One Horseshoe. In battle against the Unicorns and Earthlings, Prince Isildur cuts the Horseshoe from Sauron’s hoof, destroying his physical form and vanquishing his army. However, Sauron’s “life force” is bound to the Horseshoe, allowing him to survive while the Horseshoe remains. Isildur, corrupted by the Horseshoe’s power, struts around like some kind of prized pony. When he is killed by Orcs, the Horseshoe is lost in a river where sea ponies use it for a Christmas ornament for 2,500 years, until it is stolen by Gollum, who then loses it in a card game to Hobbit Pony Bilbo Baggins.

Sixty years later, Bilbo leaves the Horseshoe to his nephew, Frodo. When the Pegasus Wizard Gandalf recognizes the Horseshoe, he warns Frodo that evil forces will come for him. Frodo and his gardener Sam leave Ponyshire, and along the way are joined by Merryweather and Pippy. They are nearly captured by the hideous Nazgul with yucky, sticky sap on their hooves, but are saved when they meet the mysterious Aragorn. During their journey to Rivendell, they are attacked again and Aragorn kicks and stomps all over the Nazgul, but Frodo is wounded by a Morgul blade, which will turn him into a sickly zombie wraith.

Enter Arwen, the lovely princess pony from Rivendell who uses her Unicorn magic to summon a surge of raging water ponies that sweeps away the Nazgul. Arwen takes Frodo to Rivendell where her father heals him. Elrond calls a pony council to decide what should be done with the Horseshoe. It is revealed that it can only be destroyed in the fires of Mount Doom. Brave little Frodo volunteers to take the Horseshoe, accompanied by his Hobbit pony friends and Aragorn. They are joined by the Unicorn Legolas, the Pygmy Pony Gimli, and Boromir, Earthling of Gondor. Thus they become the Fellowship of the Horsehoe.

The Fellowship set out but are hindered by the Wizard Saruman’s magic, which attempts to distract them with playful butterflies and sing-alongs. They make it to the Mines of Moria where they find that all the Pygmy Ponies are gone and the place has been overrun with Bushwoolies. They stop for a feast of woolycakes and bushmelons, but realize Gollum is following them. Lunch is also ruined when a Balrog, an ancient demon of fire and shadow, attacks. Gandalf confronts the Balrog and tries to convince it that they can all be friends. They do a little song and dance about the magic of friendship, and then both accidentally slip on the narrow bridge and fall into the depths of the abyss.

Mourning Gandalf’s apparent death, the group flees to Lothlorien where they are sheltered by the Unicorns Galadriel and Celeborn. Galadriel tells Frodo that it is his destiny to destroy the Horseshoe and save the world. Frodo feels like a very small pony indeed. The Fellowship continues their journey; meanwhile, Saruman creates a force of cowboy Uruk-hai to hunt them down.

At Parth Galen, Boromir gives in to the Horseshoe’s corruption and tries to take it from Frodo. Frodo puts on the Horseshoe and becomes invisible, thereby escaping. He then decides he must continue the journey alone before the Horseshoe corrupts everyone in the Fellowship. The Uruk-hai arrive and Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli fight them off while Frodo escapes. Merryweather and Pippy are lassoed and hog-tied, and Boromir is slain while trying to save them. The now trio of Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli set off to rescue them. Sam finds Frodo, who reluctantly lets him come along, but is actually glad to have the company. The two Hobbit ponies sing a brave song as they set off toward Mordor.