Why Vampires Don’t Make Good Dance Partners

Ladies Beware: Vampires do not make good dance partners.

One of these deliciously dark, sexy creatures of the night will try to dazzle you with his skilled ballroom moves.  After all, he’s been around for centuries; he was there when the Waltz was considered a scandalous dance.  He’ll walk up to you, flash a gleaming smile, maybe cock his head, and invite you onto the dance floor.  At first, you’ll think you’re lucky—”He’s dancing with me!”—and you’ll feel self-conscious about your poor dance skills in comparison but he’ll make you look good.  He’ll twirl you out into a spin you can’t quite keep up with, and he’ll tell you not to mess up the purity of the dance, but he’ll do it with that dashing smile.

Do not fall for it, ladies!

You see, with the age that hones his dance moves, the vampire gentleman develops this sense of superiority and chauvinistic attitude.  He thinks it’s sexy the way he leers at you during the Merengue, and he’ll tell you it’s one of the sensual dances as he roves his hands over your body.  Really, though, he only sees a piece of flesh.  You don’t even need to talk because that’s not important.

Besides, any talk will come from him.  He will love to regale you with stories of his dancing journey, and of course, kindly try to teach the poor, stumbling human.  He will attempt to compliment you, but the vampire’s ego cannot stand to truly praise another being, so he will wrap his accolades in smiles and giggles, while simultaneously pointing out how lowly and pathetic you are.

“Women are so smart.  They can predict what the male lead is going to do.  But see, that gets them into trouble, because then they anticipate the lead’s directions before he gives them, and they screw up the dance.”

Sounds like women are poodles performing tricks.

Okay, back to the piece of flesh.  Ladies, some of these ballroom dances get quite up close and personal.  The Tango, for instance, involves pressing your bodies right up against each other.  And when the gentleman pulls you into a corte, you’re giving him the perfect view—and striking pose—for the artery in your neck.

You can spot these vampires rather easily.  Aside from the pasty complexion and the penchant for all black, they ooze self-aggrandizement.  They will attempt to sweep you off your feet, but when you fail to come back down and pick up the proper steps, they blame you, perhaps mock you in a boyish way they think is clever, or they simply move on without trying to improve the communication.  You see, a failed dance is always the man’s fault.  A true gentleman will acknowledge he is the responsible party for keeping the dance going.  If the lady fails, it is because he did not signal clearly enough.

Ladies, do not get swept away by the charms of these vampires.  Dance wisely.

Dancing with assassins in black is also dangerous.  Don’t miss the excitement in Dreamwalker, now available on Amazon and B&N!  Two dreamwalkers: one a devout soldier, the other a rogue assassin. Last one standing wins.

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